On Being Broken

We’ve all heard the saying “Be careful what you wish for because you just might receive it,” but Daddy has taken this proverb to a whole new level. It’s not that I might receive it, but rather that I’ll get (as he always says) more than I bargained for. Yesterday, while trying to calm my nerves before a job interview, I mused that maybe I should ask Daddy to beat me in order to focus and center me. And that’s how Baby Girl came to be broken…

As I contemplated my fate, tied securely in place, blindfolded and face down on the bed, I instinctively opened my mouth for Daddy to put the gag in…but sometimes our instincts can be wrong. They certainly were in this case. He sat next to me on the bed, caressing my arm, helping me to relax…He wanted my full attention for what he was about to do to me.

“You’re not getting the gag, little one, because I want to hear every one of your perfect screams. But you are going to be deaf.”

He slid the headphones over my ears and switched my iPod on. Pure terror. I could not see nor hear his movements and would be unable to ascertain where he was, what he was about to do to me, or even prepare myself for the inevitable strikes. He’d never done this before and we had never even discussed it (not that I would have any choice in the matter), but the adrenaline surge in the room must have been absolutely palpable…just how Daddy likes it.

Daddy describes the caning/beating/breaking of his little girl in delicious detail in his post from yesterday, so I’m not going to repeat what he has so wonderfully captured already. But what I do wish to point out is that what I thought I wanted, what I said that I needed wasn’t what I wanted or needed at all. Daddy knew that he had to break me yesterday, he had to hurt me worse than he had ever done before, he needed to strip away every bit of doubt or pretense as to who owned me and why I belonged to him.

As I shook and cried in his arms once I was broken, Daddy lightly pulled my chin towards him so that my hazy eyes and his firm stare met. “You know that nothing else matters outside of this. You are mine. That will never change. All things outside of us and what we have are just noise. Never forget this.” It felt as though I had melted and seeped into his pores at that very moment…he was completely right and I was at peace with everything.

That interview was a breeze…