08 January 2013

What Is Going On Here?

This is a picture from a Wired story on John McAfee, wealthy entrepreneur who chucked his life in the US and moved to Belize some years ago. He has been on the lam and just recently returned to the US to avoid extradition back to Belize. Anyway, this is the 67-year-old McAfee with his current girlfriend, the 20-year-old Belizean Samantha Vanegas:

Take a close look at that image. (If clicking on it doesn't work, you can see a very large version here.) Now, I know pictures often capture moments in time that aren't necessarily representative of a scene as a whole, but still, I'm curious: what is she doing in this picture?

As a Dom, my default assumption is that in this situation, the man would be the Dom and the girl the sub. But I have no evidence for that other than their respective ages, and her poor background contrasted with his wealth. And even if they are in a Dom/sub relationship, what is she doing? Is she letting him know she wants to suck his cock? Is she begging him to kiss her deeply? Some other sexual signal? Or am I on the wrong track here?

07 January 2013

Spooning Barbecue

Nearly every night, baby girl and I fall asleep spooned together, on our left sides, me behind her, her head resting on my left arm, and me holding her by one or both wrists. Whether we've just had sex or haven't had it in days, we both find that this helps remind us of our respective roles... and it just feels right.

During the night, we nearly always shift positions in our sleep such that we're no longer intertwined like that and I'm no longer holding baby girl's wrist or wrists. When I wake up -- which is always before baby girl -- I'll often pull her to me and resume our sleeping position while we still have time before the alarm goes off.

If I'm feeling like taking baby girl that morning, sometimes I'll reach around with my right hand and put a finger in her mouth for her to suck on. Baby girl is very oral and loves having fingers (and other things) in her mouth, and I love the feeling of her sucking on me like that -- if I'm not already hard, it will make me so in moments.

A few weeks ago, we were having a morning just as I've described above. We were spooned together; I was holding baby girl's left wrist in my left hand, and I had my right thumb in her mouth. She had fallen back asleep in that position and it was quite satisfying for me as I enjoyed the moment, thinking about things that would push me over the edge and decide to wake her up by rolling her onto her back and fucking her.

Baby girl had been asleep a few minutes when she bit down on my thumb, fairly hard, between the first and second knuckle. I made a growling sort of "ouch" noise and told her no and to be gentle. She woke up and stopped biting me.

Later on, when she was fully awake, baby girl explained what had happened:

"I was having a dream and suddenly there was barbecue in it. I thought, 'Yum!' and chomped down on it."

This has led to an inside joke of ours, just four words:

"Barbecue? Yum! Chomp! Ouch!"

Of course, we can't share this joke with anyone else, because for it to make sense, you'd have to understand that we sleep with a finger or thumb in baby girl's mouth, and, and... we just don't want to go there. It's nice to be able to tell the joke here.

25 October 2011

Quick Update

Hello all!

I wanted to send you all a quick update to let you know that no, we haven't fallen off the face of the Earth, and yes, we've both had demanding travel schedules lately and won't be able to get back into our groove (both with writing and with the ole bow-chicka-bow-wow) for about another week!

While I miss the writing, I think I miss reading and commenting on my friends' blogs even more... I promise I'll be back soon, and with some nice n' pervy tales to tell and some encouraging comments for our special Blogosphere community! :)

See you soon!

17 October 2011

Orgasms and Juggling

I was reading maui girl's post on her latest experience with being choked during sex and how it led to her being able to cum on command, at least in that one case, and it led me to think about our own experiences with orgasm control. You can read all of the posts mentioning the topic here. I wrote quite a bit about my experience controlling baby girl's orgasms in this post, but I thought I might write a bit more about it.

On reflection, I think that teaching a submissive to control her (there's my bias) orgasms is like learning to juggle. If you've never juggled, and decided out of the blue to learn, but without any assistance, you'd probably take three balls and start trying to juggle them, thinking that with enough practice, you'd get there. Actually, you probably wouldn't. It's too much of a jump from not-juggling to juggling. I suppose it might work for those people with insanely great reflexes, but otherwise, no, not so much.

It turns out that the trick is to not try to juggle at first. Just pick up one ball. Hold your hands in front of you, palms up and relaxed, elbows by your sides, and toss the ball from one hand to the other, then back again. Try to make the ball follow a graceful arc and land gently. Practice until you can do that every single time. Practice until you can do that with your eyes closed. Practice until you can't stand it anymore (this will be hours, spread out over days). Now pick up a second ball, hold each in one hand, and toss each to the other hand, one right after the other, so their arcs cross in mid-air. Again with the practicing until you can do it with your eyes closed, until you can't stand it anymore. After a few days of practice with one ball and then two, when the two-ball exchange is mind-numbingly simple for you, add a second ball to one of your hands, for a total of three. Toss one of the balls from the two-ball hand and then the ball from the other hand as always, but before the second catch, toss the third ball, the other from the two-ball hand. Now just keep going.

If you learn to juggle like this, the actual act of juggling itself is nearly anti-climactic. It's stupidly easy. You'll ask yourself why everyone can't juggle. You'll ask yourself why you thought you couldn't. And the answer is, because they -- and you -- didn't put in the prep work time.

Okay, back to orgasm control. As a Dom, you can't just say to a sub new to orgasm control, "Cum now!" and have any reasonable expectation of that working. I'm sure there are natural subs out there whose physiology and personality are perfectly suited for it, and for whom this would work, but generally, no, it won't. First you start with orgasm denial: don't cum until I tell you can. You do that for a while. With baby girl, this took a day or so, but I could imagine it taking days or weeks. When your sub can reliably prevent herself from cumming, switch to orgasm allowance. This is a bit of a shift, because what you're telling your sub is not to ever cum without your permission. In other words, the default is orgasm denial without you having to tell her to do so. What should happen is that after a while -- again, this could be days or weeks -- the interval between you telling her she can cum, and her subsequent orgasm, should grow shorter and shorter. It helps if you really build up her arousal so that she's desperate to cum. At this point, you've never explicitly said, "Cum now!" to your sub. You haven't. But you've taught her to hold back her orgasms on command, and you've taught her to always hold back her orgasms unless permission is given. She's used to cumming when you tell her she can.

Now you can add the third ball (well, so to speak). I wouldn't make a big deal of it. In the moment, when she's aroused, when she's dripping wet, when she's out of her mind wanting to cum, instead of saying "You can cum now", say, "Cum now!" Permission becomes command. And if you've taken your time, if you've done things right -- well, let's say that unlike juggling, the results will most definitely not be anti-climactic.

15 October 2011

New Poll: Same Sex Experiences

Thank you, Doms and subs (all 37 of you!), for submitting responses to this week’s polls regarding the use of safewords. The Doms’ responses were somewhat unilateral, with 67% of the respondents stating that they had established a safeword, but had never had it used. The subs’ responses were rather evenly dispersed, although the most common response (with 31% of the vote) was that they would want a safeword, but could imagine going without one. I incorrectly assumed that many subs would agree with my perspective – I would rather not have a safeword, but could agree to one – but this is why we conduct the polls in the first place! Thanks again for sharing and for proving me wrong…I’d love to hear your take on these responses/trends!

This week’s poll (yes, we’re back to only one!) has to do with same-sex experiences. A close friend of my recently revealed that she may be interested in women. As she is close to my age, she’s surprised (and excited) that she is just now realizing this about herself. I couldn’t be happier for her and wish her all the best on her search for true happiness!

With this in mind, I’d love to know more about your same sex experiences – please note that you are able to vote for more than one option this week. Thank you and have fun!

12 October 2011

I Miss You, Daddy!

Daddy always calls me when he’s away from home on business, as he is right now. He makes sure to talk to me at least once (but usually twice) per day, along with sporadic e-mails and texts. It’s gotten to the point where I need to hear his voice to feel truly at peace…

I love the ritual of our calls too. Each time we speak over the phone, he’ll ask, “Do you miss your Daddy?”

To which I always respond, “Very, very much!”

And I do, Daddy, I do…come home soon.

That’s all I wanted to say.

11 October 2011

Calling All Dommes!

We have an absolutely lovely community of Dominants and submissives out there and I couldn’t be happier to call you my Blogosphere friends! ☺ And while I enjoy our exchange of advice, admiration, and repartee, I often wonder if I am unknowingly disenfranchising two segments of readers – submissive men and Dominant women.

Looking at my history of posts referring to the nature of D/s and the generalities of TTWD, I have always used Dom as opposed to Domme. Along these same lines, my Dom is always Him, He, or Sir, never Her, She, or Ma’am. I have noticed this trend in others’ blogs as well. From my own perspective, part of this has to do with the fact that my frame of reference in regards to D/s is strictly Dom/(female) sub. However, I think the overarching reason for this tendency is that Domme/(male) sub relationships are much less common in our community.

Is my inherent gender bias (within the context of D/s and BDSM) simply a reflection of the norms in our community or are there deeper, more chauvinist motives at play? Should I be concerned about my terminology usage?

Is my lack of inclusiveness a slight to the Dommes and male subs out there?

What is your experience with this socio-linguistic phenomenon? I’d love to hear from you!