06 April 2010

Simple, Not Easy

I’ve been seeing the word “just” thrown around quite a bit lately. And I am not referring to “just” in the sense of fair, equitable, or upright, but rather as merely or simply.

If I could just figure out how to submit to my Master properly… If I could just stop trying to fight Him… How can I learn to just give up control… A proper submissive just needs to obey and accept the lot that she has willingly taken on… The list could go on and on…

“Just” is such a small, seemingly innocent word, yet it connotes so much, especially for those of us who engage in a D/s or M/s lifestyle. Have you ever sat back to contemplate “just”? It is not a minor filler in a sentence, but rather influences the entire statement that surrounds it. What exactly does “just” mean? Why do we use it so pointlessly and carelessly?

When we use “just” (and I say “we” because I, too, am guilty of its usage), what we imply is that the activity in question is an easy task to accomplish or that the statement on the table is an easy fact to comprehend. As Daddy and I have discussed on many occasions, D/s and M/s relationships are simple, but not easy. For example, we understand, as a couple, what our respective roles are (Daddy is my Master and I am his submissive…simple). We live a life that is governed by power, control, internal struggles, outside pressures and prejudices, and conflicts…not easy.

By using “just” to preface our beliefs and assumptions, we are positing them as givens in our worldview. But if you look at some of the “just” examples that I listed at the beginning, these are hardly givens but rather constant struggles in which we engage in order to be at peace with who we really are. There is nothing truly easy about the lives that we lead, although "just" would have us believe otherwise.

I guess the point I’m trying to get at is that we should aim to be judicious in our usage of the word “just”. After all, what we do is not just a curiosity, not just an urge that we can turn on and off, and it’s definitely not just something that freaks and/or perverts do. “Just” negates the beauty to be found in true submission and domination. It nullifies the strength that each Dom/me and submissive finds in themselves to commit to a higher purpose than mere physical pleasure.

So, the next time you find yourself typing the word “just,” take a moment and consider what you mean to say… I know, it’s a change that is so very simple, but not easy…


  1. Baby girl: It's not JUST a lifestyle, it's a lifestyle you love and crave and find fulfilling and couldn't live without, right?

    Interesting post. Yes, we do throw that word just around too often.


  2. Hi FD!

    Yes, every once in a while, I get a bee in my bonnet about a certain linguistic peculiarity! :) Suffice it to say that "just" has felt the wrath of Baby Girl! hehe!

    Thanks for reading and take care,
    Baby Girl :)

  3. I am probably guilty of this, as well as the overuse of the word "like". I hate when people over use words and should probably pay more attention to the way I speak. Its not that hard to come up with adequate substitutes or remove them all together.

  4. Hello, Storey! Welcome to our blog and thanks for posting! :)

    I must sound like a nit-picky old crank for waxing technical about a vocabulary choice, but you've hit the nail on the head - it's not so difficult to be more careful about the words we choose so as to make sure our statements represent what we wish to say! :)

    Take care,
    Baby Girl :)

  5. It's kinda funny you mention this... off the topic of D/s for a moment. When I go through to proofread the things I write, I find that one of the words I am consistently deleting is "just". It's amazing how we tend to throw words like that into our everyday language without even realizing we're doing it.

    Back on to the D/s thing... it's absolutely not easy. Sometimes I'm not even sure how simple it is. It can seem simple on the surface, but when other factors get tossed in it can sometimes get very complicated. It's not easy or simple to just submit when thing are out of balance in your life... even if it's just a momentary thing. ;)



  6. I go away for a couple of days and the site goes crazy! :-)

    I hadn't thought of it until baby girl brought it up here, but she's right -- "just" is fairly loaded as words go. It reminds me of "should," which is a word I try not to use with others anymore. With all but baby girl, I say "might" or "could." No judgment there. With baby girl, if it's an order, I just tell her what I want done, no weasel words or qualifiers. If it's not an order -- if it's something at her discretion -- then again, it's "might" or "could." Either I'm telling her what to do or I'm not. I hate passive aggressive bullshit language.

    Anyway, good post, and good comments!

    -- Daddy

    PS -- Baby girl, you should write more posts like this! ;-)