17 October 2011

Orgasms and Juggling

I was reading maui girl's post on her latest experience with being choked during sex and how it led to her being able to cum on command, at least in that one case, and it led me to think about our own experiences with orgasm control. You can read all of the posts mentioning the topic here. I wrote quite a bit about my experience controlling baby girl's orgasms in this post, but I thought I might write a bit more about it.

On reflection, I think that teaching a submissive to control her (there's my bias) orgasms is like learning to juggle. If you've never juggled, and decided out of the blue to learn, but without any assistance, you'd probably take three balls and start trying to juggle them, thinking that with enough practice, you'd get there. Actually, you probably wouldn't. It's too much of a jump from not-juggling to juggling. I suppose it might work for those people with insanely great reflexes, but otherwise, no, not so much.

It turns out that the trick is to not try to juggle at first. Just pick up one ball. Hold your hands in front of you, palms up and relaxed, elbows by your sides, and toss the ball from one hand to the other, then back again. Try to make the ball follow a graceful arc and land gently. Practice until you can do that every single time. Practice until you can do that with your eyes closed. Practice until you can't stand it anymore (this will be hours, spread out over days). Now pick up a second ball, hold each in one hand, and toss each to the other hand, one right after the other, so their arcs cross in mid-air. Again with the practicing until you can do it with your eyes closed, until you can't stand it anymore. After a few days of practice with one ball and then two, when the two-ball exchange is mind-numbingly simple for you, add a second ball to one of your hands, for a total of three. Toss one of the balls from the two-ball hand and then the ball from the other hand as always, but before the second catch, toss the third ball, the other from the two-ball hand. Now just keep going.

If you learn to juggle like this, the actual act of juggling itself is nearly anti-climactic. It's stupidly easy. You'll ask yourself why everyone can't juggle. You'll ask yourself why you thought you couldn't. And the answer is, because they -- and you -- didn't put in the prep work time.

Okay, back to orgasm control. As a Dom, you can't just say to a sub new to orgasm control, "Cum now!" and have any reasonable expectation of that working. I'm sure there are natural subs out there whose physiology and personality are perfectly suited for it, and for whom this would work, but generally, no, it won't. First you start with orgasm denial: don't cum until I tell you can. You do that for a while. With baby girl, this took a day or so, but I could imagine it taking days or weeks. When your sub can reliably prevent herself from cumming, switch to orgasm allowance. This is a bit of a shift, because what you're telling your sub is not to ever cum without your permission. In other words, the default is orgasm denial without you having to tell her to do so. What should happen is that after a while -- again, this could be days or weeks -- the interval between you telling her she can cum, and her subsequent orgasm, should grow shorter and shorter. It helps if you really build up her arousal so that she's desperate to cum. At this point, you've never explicitly said, "Cum now!" to your sub. You haven't. But you've taught her to hold back her orgasms on command, and you've taught her to always hold back her orgasms unless permission is given. She's used to cumming when you tell her she can.

Now you can add the third ball (well, so to speak). I wouldn't make a big deal of it. In the moment, when she's aroused, when she's dripping wet, when she's out of her mind wanting to cum, instead of saying "You can cum now", say, "Cum now!" Permission becomes command. And if you've taken your time, if you've done things right -- well, let's say that unlike juggling, the results will most definitely not be anti-climactic.


  1. my Master taught me to cum on command and it's been the most amazing thing I've ever experienced. He catches me off guard sometimes and will tell me to cum when we're in a regular conversation and it'll stop me mid sentence as my body obeys instantly. It really is amazing and something I never thought I was capable of. Boy did He change THAT opinion, lol.

    And now I have this urge to go practice juggling. :)

  2. Awesome post. Practice makes perfect, they say.

    I'm guessing you know how to juggle?

  3. I learned to juggle on my own. The nice thing abut it is once you learn you never unlearn. As you might know, I have just begun working on this with my lizard. Last night she got squirmy. I will keep at her though. She does come quickly when I tell her to, but she needs to accept my command better. She loves to come and is very impatient.

  4. Interesting, I never really thought about it. I wonder if it has to do with masterbation; being used to being 'responsible' for your own climax? If I am highly aroused, which in almost any D/s situation I can almost always cum on command...but I have been doing so for so long, I can't remember how I got here. It may be just some people can cum easier anyway? I have always thought there is a connection to libido & one's ability to cum with relative ease. I think there is a post in that question.


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