Quick Update

Hello all!

I wanted to send you all a quick update to let you know that no, we haven't fallen off the face of the Earth, and yes, we've both had demanding travel schedules lately and won't be able to get back into our groove (both with writing and with the ole bow-chicka-bow-wow) for about another week!

While I miss the writing, I think I miss reading and commenting on my friends' blogs even more... I promise I'll be back soon, and with some nice n' pervy tales to tell and some encouraging comments for our special Blogosphere community! :)

See you soon!

Orgasms and Juggling

I was reading maui girl's post on her latest experience with being choked during sex and how it led to her being able to cum on command, at least in that one case, and it led me to think about our own experiences with orgasm control. You can read all of the posts mentioning the topic here. I wrote quite a bit about my experience controlling baby girl's orgasms in this post, but I thought I might write a bit more about it.

On reflection, I think that teaching a submissive to control her (there's my bias) orgasms is like learning to juggle. If you've never juggled, and decided out of the blue to learn, but without any assistance, you'd probably take three balls and start trying to juggle them, thinking that with enough practice, you'd get there. Actually, you probably wouldn't. It's too much of a jump from not-juggling to juggling. I suppose it might work for those people with insanely great reflexes, but otherwise, no, not so much.

It turns out that the trick is to not try to juggle at first. Just pick up one ball. Hold your hands in front of you, palms up and relaxed, elbows by your sides, and toss the ball from one hand to the other, then back again. Try to make the ball follow a graceful arc and land gently. Practice until you can do that every single time. Practice until you can do that with your eyes closed. Practice until you can't stand it anymore (this will be hours, spread out over days). Now pick up a second ball, hold each in one hand, and toss each to the other hand, one right after the other, so their arcs cross in mid-air. Again with the practicing until you can do it with your eyes closed, until you can't stand it anymore. After a few days of practice with one ball and then two, when the two-ball exchange is mind-numbingly simple for you, add a second ball to one of your hands, for a total of three. Toss one of the balls from the two-ball hand and then the ball from the other hand as always, but before the second catch, toss the third ball, the other from the two-ball hand. Now just keep going.

If you learn to juggle like this, the actual act of juggling itself is nearly anti-climactic. It's stupidly easy. You'll ask yourself why everyone can't juggle. You'll ask yourself why you thought you couldn't. And the answer is, because they -- and you -- didn't put in the prep work time.

Okay, back to orgasm control. As a Dom, you can't just say to a sub new to orgasm control, "Cum now!" and have any reasonable expectation of that working. I'm sure there are natural subs out there whose physiology and personality are perfectly suited for it, and for whom this would work, but generally, no, it won't. First you start with orgasm denial: don't cum until I tell you can. You do that for a while. With baby girl, this took a day or so, but I could imagine it taking days or weeks. When your sub can reliably prevent herself from cumming, switch to orgasm allowance. This is a bit of a shift, because what you're telling your sub is not to ever cum without your permission. In other words, the default is orgasm denial without you having to tell her to do so. What should happen is that after a while -- again, this could be days or weeks -- the interval between you telling her she can cum, and her subsequent orgasm, should grow shorter and shorter. It helps if you really build up her arousal so that she's desperate to cum. At this point, you've never explicitly said, "Cum now!" to your sub. You haven't. But you've taught her to hold back her orgasms on command, and you've taught her to always hold back her orgasms unless permission is given. She's used to cumming when you tell her she can.

Now you can add the third ball (well, so to speak). I wouldn't make a big deal of it. In the moment, when she's aroused, when she's dripping wet, when she's out of her mind wanting to cum, instead of saying "You can cum now", say, "Cum now!" Permission becomes command. And if you've taken your time, if you've done things right -- well, let's say that unlike juggling, the results will most definitely not be anti-climactic.

New Poll: Same Sex Experiences

Thank you, Doms and subs (all 37 of you!), for submitting responses to this week’s polls regarding the use of safewords. The Doms’ responses were somewhat unilateral, with 67% of the respondents stating that they had established a safeword, but had never had it used. The subs’ responses were rather evenly dispersed, although the most common response (with 31% of the vote) was that they would want a safeword, but could imagine going without one. I incorrectly assumed that many subs would agree with my perspective – I would rather not have a safeword, but could agree to one – but this is why we conduct the polls in the first place! Thanks again for sharing and for proving me wrong…I’d love to hear your take on these responses/trends!

This week’s poll (yes, we’re back to only one!) has to do with same-sex experiences. A close friend of my recently revealed that she may be interested in women. As she is close to my age, she’s surprised (and excited) that she is just now realizing this about herself. I couldn’t be happier for her and wish her all the best on her search for true happiness!

With this in mind, I’d love to know more about your same sex experiences – please note that you are able to vote for more than one option this week. Thank you and have fun!

I Miss You, Daddy!

Daddy always calls me when he’s away from home on business, as he is right now. He makes sure to talk to me at least once (but usually twice) per day, along with sporadic e-mails and texts. It’s gotten to the point where I need to hear his voice to feel truly at peace…

I love the ritual of our calls too. Each time we speak over the phone, he’ll ask, “Do you miss your Daddy?”

To which I always respond, “Very, very much!”

And I do, Daddy, I do…come home soon.

That’s all I wanted to say.

Calling All Dommes!

We have an absolutely lovely community of Dominants and submissives out there and I couldn’t be happier to call you my Blogosphere friends! ☺ And while I enjoy our exchange of advice, admiration, and repartee, I often wonder if I am unknowingly disenfranchising two segments of readers – submissive men and Dominant women.

Looking at my history of posts referring to the nature of D/s and the generalities of TTWD, I have always used Dom as opposed to Domme. Along these same lines, my Dom is always Him, He, or Sir, never Her, She, or Ma’am. I have noticed this trend in others’ blogs as well. From my own perspective, part of this has to do with the fact that my frame of reference in regards to D/s is strictly Dom/(female) sub. However, I think the overarching reason for this tendency is that Domme/(male) sub relationships are much less common in our community.

Is my inherent gender bias (within the context of D/s and BDSM) simply a reflection of the norms in our community or are there deeper, more chauvinist motives at play? Should I be concerned about my terminology usage?

Is my lack of inclusiveness a slight to the Dommes and male subs out there?

What is your experience with this socio-linguistic phenomenon? I’d love to hear from you!

On Being the Man Who Chokes Baby Girl

God do I love wrapping my hand around baby girl's throat.

After much thought about D/s and my attitudes over it during the past few years, I think I've come to realize that what I love about being a Dom isn't as much power as it is trust. When I wrap my hand around baby girl's throat and squeeze, I think -- if I'm as reflective as I can be -- that what turns me on is the fact that she trusts me to do whatever I choose, whatever I think to be right for her, for myself, for both of us. She trusts me enough to have willingly surrendered her right to a safe word, willingly surrendered her right to ever leave, or to ever even request to be released. She trusts me enough to have given me the right to do whatever I choose with her. On a regular basis, that includes strapping her wrists to the bed, rendering her helpless, and then choking her until, as she notes above, the last bit of air in her lungs is going out. She literally puts her life in my hands.

Yes, there's tremendous power in that. But interestingly enough, I'm not a power addict. I've never sought power in my work, though I've certainly had it given to me (on at least one occasion specifically because I didn't seek it). I've never been the type to want to be in charge of the PTA, want to be in charge of the homeowners association. I just have no interest in it.

I respect all forms of D/s relationships, but I honestly find the idea of a relationship in which I micro-managed every aspect of baby girl's life to be tiresome -- I have little or no interest in telling her what to wear, how to style her hair, how to clean the house, how to do her job, or the like. Not only do I not want that power, I'd find it annoyingly time-consuming.

Baby girl understands that my control over her is absolute. She has a wonderful job, but she knows that if I ordered her to give it up in order to focus all her attention on me, she would have no choice. She likes where we live now, and we have completely compatible goals about where we want to live in the future, but she knows that if I made a different decision, ordered her to pack up and move, she would have no choice. And yet it's rare that I exercise this control outside of the bedroom, or outside of a context at least related to our sexual relationship. When I do, it's usually because I'm overriding baby girl in what I believe to be her own interest -- you have to work out now, you have to go to the doctor now, you have to get to urgent care now, that sort of thing. Again, power exercised for its own sake holds no appeal to me.

But the trust? That's insanely erotic. Just writing about it has made me rock-hard.

And ready for baby girl.

On Choking Baby Girl

Before I met Daddy, I had never been choked by any of my previous partners. When Daddy first suggested the idea to me, I was a little nervous, but excited to try it. I had no preconceived limits associated with choking and looked forward to exploring with Daddy…

It occurred to me, though, that some of you may have never been choked during D/s play and may be curious about what it feels like. With this in mind, I’d like to share with you my own experience so that you have a little more information with which to work. And for those of you who have been choked before, I hope that this description resonates with you!

So, what does it feel like to be choked by my Daddy? Let’s see if I’m able to adequately put it into words…

Daddy is on top of me and he has me bent in half, with my ankles on his shoulders and his large frame pressing down on me. I’m trapped, I’m vulnerable, I’m stuffed with his thick cock, and I’m dripping wet as he saws in and out of me. My hands are pinned above my head with his left hand as his right hand slowly wraps around my throat. He commands me to look at him as he starts to squeeze…

The first sensation that I notice is pressure in my eyes, as if they’re straining in their sockets. I start to lose some focus, but concentrate on meeting Daddy’s gaze. Next, the ringing starts in my ears. It’s somewhat uncomfortable, but not too severe. I am still able to get small gasps of air into my lungs, despite his hand slowly contracting around my windpipe.

Daddy continues to thrust into me, pounding my pussy into submission. I start to notice that the last bit of air in my lungs is running out.

We’re getting close…close to the time when I won’t be able to breath at all and when Daddy will command a big orgasm from me. With my pussy clenched around his cock, I can feel my clit start to pulse with the beating of my heart. When I don’t think I can take it much longer and I’m seeing black and white spots in my field of vision, I hear Daddy yell, “CUM!!” His hand loosens a little and I scream as the orgasm courses through my entire body.

It’s hard to imagine a more intense moment of passion, pleasure, or, most important of all, trust. For if I didn’t implicitly trust my Daddy, none of this would be possible and I wouldn’t be able to experience most of what he and I share.

As he soothes me after the session, we both understand that he knows what is best for me and he would never do anything that would be detrimental to the faith I’ve placed in him. Will he push me? Yes. Will he hurt me? Yes. Will he be in control and measured at all times? Yes. And this is why choking can be a thing of beauty.

I hope this was as good for you as it was for me… ☺