14 August 2015

A Secret and Some What Ifs...

With the cloak of anonymity firmly secured around my shoulders (thanks, blogosphere!), I'm feeling bold enough to share a little secret that I've only ever shared with Daddy. 

I'm currently working on writing a novel. 

A salacious, smutty, deliciously dirty novel about a D/s couple, to be exact. 

While I've written hundreds (perhaps thousands) of essays, reports and the like in the tenure of my academic and professional careers, this novel is a departure for me. And although I consider myself a confident, accomplished, intelligent writer, the thought of sharing my novel with the world scares the living shit out of me.

The inevitable "what ifs" have started creeping in... What if nobody likes it? What if it's terrible? What if this years-long project turns out to be a gigantic waste of time and effort? What if I fail? (Funny how the "what ifs" rarely include scenarios of tremendous success and praise, isn't it?)

I guess the long and the short of what I'm trying to communicate here is that I'm afraid of failure - always have been and always will be. I want to be great at everything I set my mind to - my submission, my marriage, my career...and my novel. Logically, I know that I have to work through my fears, push my own limits and be afraid to fail. After all, I'd love to have people read my book and to then be responsible for the inevitable subsequent global shut-down due to an epidemic of raging hard-ons and throbbing clits. 

But alas, in order for that to happen, I would have to have the stones to publish the damn thing, wouldn't I? Curses...

I'm not really looking for encouragement and I'll be sure to reach out for advice regarding publishing at some point (if/when I get to that point), but right now, I suppose I just wanted to give you all a quick glimpse inside my head to see how frustrating those damned what ifs can be. 

7 comments:

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  2. I have twice started writing a novel but not succeeded. I am very proud of my Inès who is a published novelist and poet. However even getting it published is just the first part of getting it read.

    It is a long and hard road - but in the end I truly believe it is worth it. Go for it Baby Girl and good luck.

    P xx

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  5. That's great.
    No divorce.
    Yet...
    are you really living
    together till death?
    50/30?
    Really???
    Hmmm...

    I'd looove to meet you
    in Seventh-Heaven...
    yet, you first must be prepared:

    Find-out what RCIA means... and join;
    classes are free,
    starting early September.
    Aint no joke, earthling:
    our indelible soul is on the line.
    What's 77ish years compared to
    the length N breadth of eternity?
    What's the Tyranny of Progressivism
    compared to the saving of our soul?

    Doesnt make any difference
    if you're an atheist;
    doesn't make a whole-hilla-beans
    wortha difference when you croak.
    You'll be crying-out for JEEE-SIS!!!
    ...yet, if you've been a non-believer
    your entire, finite existence,
    Jesus maaay not hear you.
    Billions of everlasting souls
    are now in Hellfire without
    the basic nessecities for eternity.
    Are you actually willing
    to take THAT risk of being condemned?

    Again, Jesus laughs when you
    should've learned the
    meaning of wisdom N discernment,
    mortal sinner... as am I.
    Im not better than you...
    yet, I gotta lotta d'knowlijj
    which'll save-your-soul, kapiche??
    Sorry for the New Yoirk accent.
    Again, find-out what RCIA means.

    Make Your Choice -SAW

    ReplyDelete
  6. That's great.
    No divorce.
    Yet...
    are you really living
    together till death?
    50/30?
    Really???
    Hmmm...

    I'd looove to meet you
    in Seventh-Heaven...
    yet, you first must be prepared:

    Find-out what RCIA means... and join;
    classes are free,
    starting early September.
    Aint no joke, earthling:
    our indelible soul is on the line.
    What's 77ish years compared to
    the length N breadth of eternity?
    What's the Tyranny of Progressivism
    compared to the saving of our soul?

    Doesnt make any difference
    if you're an atheist;
    doesn't make a whole-hilla-beans
    wortha difference when you croak.
    You'll be crying-out for JEEE-SIS!!!
    ...yet, if you've been a non-believer
    your entire, finite existence,
    Jesus maaay not hear you.
    Billions of everlasting souls
    are now in Hellfire without
    the basic nessecities for eternity.
    Are you actually willing
    to take THAT risk of being condemned?

    Again, Jesus laughs when you
    should've learned the
    meaning of wisdom N discernment,
    mortal sinner... as am I.
    Im not better than you...
    yet, I gotta lotta d'knowlijj
    which'll save-your-soul, kapiche??
    Sorry for the New Yoirk accent.
    Again, find-out what RCIA means.

    Make Your Choice -SAW

    ReplyDelete