Daddy and I had been talking for about a month before we actually met. We knew enough about each other to know that we would be a good fit for one another, but, as he always says, there is no substitute for actually being with somebody to know if you’ll work as a couple. He was so very right.
Backing up a bit, I had never been in a true D/s relationship, but had known for quite some time that I craved submission. It wasn’t until recently, though, that I realized that I could no longer deny the gnawing ache inside of me. I needed to find a Dom…and I found Daddy.
On the night we met online, we established a pleasant, easy-going and humorous rapport from the very beginning, which is something that we continue to share and which I value implicitly. Yet, even through the light conversation about screen name choices and the “how are you doing tonights,” Daddy found a way to steer the conversation toward the sexual proclivities that had drawn us to each other. As he began a long string of questions (“Do you like to be spanked?” “Would you be able to be my princess, my partner and my little whore, baby girl?”…), I realized that I was revealing my all to this extremely intelligent stranger…and I wasn’t concerned in the least. Nobody had ever called me “baby girl” or “little girl” and I had certainly never called any of my previous partners “Daddy.” And yet again, my disarming Dom had me teetering on the edge of my comfort zone. Filling the role of his submissive baby girl felt amazingly right…as it still does and always will.
3 years ago
Hi Baby girl
ReplyDeleteI am so happy for you and your daddy that you have found such happiness,
My sailor and I met much the same way.
Welcome to the family Baby Girl
Hugs Lil Sam
Hello Babygirl!
ReplyDeleteI am currently speaking with a Dom online and on the phone and I am new to the D/s lifestyle. Is there any advice you could give me to assure that I move into this lifestyle safely?
Hi stella,
ReplyDeleteI'll be interested to see what baby girl has to say on this topic.
From my standpoint, I'd say that after talking with a number of submissive girls online, and meeting a few in person, there are many men out there who are... well, pretend Doms is what I'd say. Wannabe Doms. And you want to avoid them for all sorts of reasons. The obvious question is, how do you tell them? A few clues come to mind:
- Talking to you like you're a doormat. You're not. Being submissive -- even being a slave -- doesn't take away your humanity. Any decent Dom wants to understand at a profound level what his sub's or slave's wants and needs are before he can possibly think about denying them. To do otherwise is to put the cart before the horse.
- Disrespecting you in any way. I think baby girl would tell you that while I may slap her, beat her, and otherwise do as I wish with her, I never disrespect her. There's a difference and a Dom who doesn't know it is bad news.
- Expecting you to submit immediately. Any good Dom knows that a submissive or slave worth having is worth working for. We expect the best subs to move cautiously with us and test us to see if we're worthy of commanding or owning them. If a prospective Dom is saying things like, "Call me Sir, slut!" on, say, the first phone call, just hang up and never call back.
Those are some thoughts from my side. As noted, I'll be curious to read what baby girl has to say.
Good luck, and keep us posted, okay?
-- Daddy
Hello, stella!
ReplyDeleteI’m so glad that you’ve found our site and thank you for your question! :) First and foremost, I would like to echo what Daddy has already said – any sort of disrespect or desire to move too quickly into an intense D/s relationship are warning signs and are definitely to be avoided!
From my perspective, there are two fundamental ideas to always keep in mind – safety and honesty.
Safety – Regardless of whether you have found a prospective Dom on a D/s themed website or chat forum or you found him on something as innocuous as match.com or the like, you should always keep your safety securely in mind. Are you giving away personal information that you are uncomfortable giving? Is this person asking you to do things that you are uncomfortable with? (Of course, part of many D/s relationships is engaging in activities that may be difficult for us, as submissives, to grapple with, yet they are always safe, sane, and consensual!) Do you feel that the Dom in question is too eager to control every aspect of your life, without asking for your input or your limits? If so, you may be in dangerous territory! Please use your instincts and protect yourself at all costs. As Daddy said, any Dom worth having is also one who will work with you in order to achieve a solid D/s balance that both of you are happy with.
Honesty – First of all, you need to be honest with yourself about your needs and desires when entering into a D/s relationship. What are your hard limits (things you would never be able to do)? Your soft limits (things that you may not like the sound of, but would be willing to try)? Are you looking for a 24/7 sort of relationship in which all aspects of your life, from wardrobe choices and household chores to sex and submission, are controlled by your Dom? Are you looking for a D/s relationship only in the bedroom? If you’re not sure what you’re looking for or what you’re interested in, please do a bit of research! There are plenty of great blogs out there with a wide variety of interests and D/s dynamics – there are no two D/s relationships that are the same! Once you are aware of what you are looking for, it will be much easier for you to find a Dom who fits your needs.
Also, as far as honesty goes, if you feel that your Dom is not being truthful in all matters or you’ve found that part of his story does not match up with the facts, please go back to my first point about safety. If he’s not being honest with you, he is most likely hiding something and he doesn’t deserve your honesty. You should keep looking.
I hope that our advice has been helpful, stella! Please let us know if you have any further questions or concerns and we’ll do our best to help out! Best of luck in your search!
Take care,
Baby Girl :)
Thanks so much Daddy and Babygirl for all the advice you have given me. I am greatful for all of it. I must say I have obviously assumed the safety issue considering the lifestyle I am seeking. You were very helpful however, and have enlightened me in signs to watch for. I am currently in contact with a prospective Dom and with the advice you each gave me I am confident that he (so far) is a good one. He has told me of his rules and I am not averse to any of them. He has also stated that he just wants me to be a 'perfect Lady' so his rules are set in place to guide me in achieving that status. He has not stated when I am to formally submit to him, rather he has left it up to me to decide if/when I want to and he has explained the formality of actions that will occur when I am ready and punishments that will happen if I break any rule of his.
ReplyDeleteI do wonder...is there a 'normal' time frame for a 'courtship' between a Dom and sub before I (the sub) formally submits myself to him?
I have found your blog fascinating and very enlightening. I will continue to follow it as I am interested in what you have to say.
Thanks so much for your help.
I'll keep you posted on my ventures.
stellablue
Hi stella,
ReplyDeleteIt seems like you're thinking about this clearly, which is good.
I'd say you need to think about whether you want to be in a punishment-based relationship. Some subs do, others don't. I don't punish baby girl because a) I know she'd punish herself (in her head) far more than I ever could and b) I want pain to be something that is always good for her, not something that she has to misbehave to get. But that said, lots of subs and slaves want, crave, or even need punishment, and if this is you, and your prospective Dom is offering it, than score you. :-)
There isn't a time frame that I know of -- it's up to each couple, and really, it's up to the person who is offering her submission. It's whenever you're comfortable. That could be a week, a month, or a year. What I would say -- and this is a bias of mine -- is that I don't believe in submitting remotely. I accept that others do this, but in my experience, if two people who have never met in person say they're in a D/s relationship, I doubt the reality of that. So I would strongly encourage you to meet him in person before you submit.
Good luck and we want to hear more from you!
-- Daddy